


Piano Forte

by tennisuhs



Series: Piano Forte's universe [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: First Meetings, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, bc adulthood sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 17:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16496915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tennisuhs/pseuds/tennisuhs
Summary: Johnny and his friends are going to do all it takes for Jaehyun to build his courage and ask Sicheng out. Who would have told Johnny that he would find more than just a Piano Forte in that housewarming party?Kun did mistakes, like any other. He'd build himself up over and once again, but this time he was willing to hold onto a helping hand.





	Piano Forte

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lunalius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunalius/gifts).



> edit: 15/01/19. this was a promp from my fictober, which my biggest friend (and editor) ditto who i love with all my being, chose as my warm up. however, i decided to turn this into a proper fic and i hope you all enjoy it!

 

“So, here’s the fucking plan.”

At times like this, Johnny damned the day he agreed to Taeil giving his boyfriend the password to their apartment. Granted, that Taeil seemed to have grown fond of drinking shot after shot and letting his buff partner carry him home.

It was convenient in that aspect, since Johnny liked to drink everyone under the table more times than not, and waking up in strangers’ beds. The elder needed someone to take him home.

“The only one who nurtures me.” He had commented, making everyone groan and grimace. Including Yuta.

However, Yuta had taken his privilege far too liberally, for he had barged into their peaceful flat more times than not. Bringing with him a hurricane, rising hell in each step. Which, was exactly why he was part of his friend group. One could say Yuta was the damn glue that stuck them all together after they graduated college.

Except Jaehyun, he was still dealing with dissertation and senior year crisis.

So, all in all, Johnny couldn’t find it in him to complain.

Shutting the book he was reading closed and put it on top of the coffee table, the ruins of their breakfast yet to be cleaned. Sat straighter on his seat, since whenever Yuta appeared with news, the world stopped and listened. Well, at least Johnny and Taeil did, following the other with their gaze. Only tearing it away when the couple kissed, because, you know, privacy and all.

The door didn’t close until another figure came in. Taking his time to politely leave his shoes next to Johnny’s by the entrance, a rare mannerism amongst their friend group. Jaehyun. He had tagged along too, apparently.

While Jaehyun fixed his apparel on the full body mirror, Yuta proceeded to place his head in Taeil’s lap, stretching his legs as long as they reached, feet resting on Johnny’s lap. Yuta was a lap person, you see.

Leaving the youngest of the bunch to take the armchair. That grunted when he threw himself against the cushions, eyes closed shut and frown deep in his features. “Someone fucking help me,” came pathetic in a sigh, completely defeated from a fight that Johnny and Taeil had no record of.

“What’s the plan for?” Taeil ignored Jaehyun’s plea, his fingers petting the lavender brush strokes on his thighs.

“We are getting Jaehyun some Sicheng dick tonight,” exclaimed Yuta, prompting Jaehyun to slide down in his spot, hands covering his face.

“And how are we going to do that?” asked Johnny at the edge of his seat.

Even if he would claim against it (for Jaehyun’s sake), Johnny was kind of involved, of course he was. The love story between Jaehyun and Sicheng could put any coming off age book to shame: the instant crush, the shy glances, the awkward introductions and the slowly build up to their current friendship.

Which was cool and all, but if Johnny had to sit through another movie night with the two cuddling and not making out, he would really cry out of despair.

It marveled him how those two saps could have so much tension between them. Truly one could cut it with a knife on most days. The couple were drawn to each other and, to Johnny’s very much romantic mind, it was adorable.

So yeah, Johnny was invested. Four years, and no progress. Worse than a morning drama. Even grandmas would have given up at this point.

Thankfully, Yuta had a plan.

“Oh, I’ll let our Romeo here tell us just exactly how,” Yuta said teasingly, gesturing vaguely at Jaehyun’s direction.

“I fucking hate you, Nakamoto Yuta.” Jaehyun’s eyes were all but gentle, boing holes into other’s skull. “We aren’t crashing someone’s house warming party.”

“Who died and put you in charge, young mister?” the Cheshire-like smile growing in Johnny’s face made Jaehyun protest, head buried in his hands now. “Oh come on! It’s a party! They’ll love to have us. Besides, you’ve partied with us and Sicheng before.”

“Yeah, but this fucker didn’t have a plan or whatever to keep me on my toes.” Jaehyun finally got up.

“Precisely.” That one was Yuta, choosing to drape himself all over Taeil. “You need a push, my dearest one. You have let this go on for too long.”

“What does that even mean?” Clearly shaken, Jaehyun started pacing around the room. It would be worrisome if he didn’t do that every single day for any ungodly reason.

The blush in his cheeks and his clear inner fight showing on his twitching lip, made it clear he was beyond on board getting on his knee. Or knees. Or whatever for Sicheng. Which was endearing.

Johnny caught himself before he cooed out loud.

“You two are graduating this year, and we were lucky we could stay in town but…”

“Yeah, has Sicheng told you what his plans are after graduation?” Taeil inquired, chin on top of Yuta’s head.

Jaehyun turned away, teeth coming to worry on the tip of his thumb.

“Listen kid, not to rain on your parade but, if you don’t do something now you’ll regret it later.” Lo and behold, Taeil’s advice hotline had been activated. “Jaehyun we aren’t doing this to fuck with you, or to make your life difficult. We are your friends, and we love you, and it’s our God-given right to tease you about your crushes,” he pointed out before acquiring a more serious tone. “Moreover, it is our duty to help you out when you keep forbidding yourself from being with the boy you like. Who knows what will happen next year, month or week. But you cannot to imagine how miserable it is when your crush leaves you to never come back.”

“Too soon,” joked Johnny with a sour expression.

Ten left for Thailand five years ago, before college. Wherever he was, Johnny hopped he was happy and dancing. Always dancing.

Taeil looked worried for half a second. Johnny smiled. Green light. “Think about it, Jae, even if you moved on and forgot about Sicheng, wouldn’t you regret not telling him?”

Jaehyun darted his gaze away. “It’s just…”

“If you say you don’t know if he likes you I’ll slap you right here and now,” threatened Yuta. One could never be sure if the guy would ever get physical with them. Nobody had taken one for the team to test it, yet.

“How can you guys be so sure?”

“Are you fucking serious?” came from Johnny, earning a huff from Jaehyun.

This time, Johnny outright cooed.

He also stood up, brushing Jaehyun’s hair. The younger’s his big round eyes held a complex expression.

Clearly, Jaehyun wanted to be with Sicheng. He was so ready to be with him, so eager, that fear and insecurities grew in his heart. Nothing hurts more than rejection when one is so tender with love.

“Okay, so you really don’t want us to go. But hear me out.” Johnny held his forefinger as he thought about the pros and cons of crashing the party together, as a family. “And… I got nothing.”

“Jesus Christ,” Taeil shook his head. “We’ll go for moral support. I pinky promise no one will interfere.”

Everyone’s eyes focused on Yuta. And the boy kind of expected it, not moving a muscle.

“Pink promise?” Jaehyun sounded hopeful.

“Yeah, promise.”

“But what the fuck was your plan, babe?” Taeil turned to ask once more.

“Well plan A is we get there, make Jaehyun drink until he can’t see his fingers and force him to play truth or dare. Or plan B, we lock them out on the balcony and we don’t let them come back in until they are boyfriends.” Yuta explained with a childlike enthusiasm.

The air froze in a pregnant pause.

“Yeah, alright we weren’t going to do any of that,” Johnny decided.

“You guys are fucking boring.” Yes, he looked as childish as he sounded.

Taeil played with his comically protruding lower lip with a smile as he talked. “Perhaps, but we just don’t want a black out drunk Jaehyun. Or a puking Jaehyun.”

“Jaehyun I’m so sorry, I am so sorry that your friends don’t want you to get some dick, oh my God,” he dramatized as he bit Taeil’s finger.

The elder didn’t withdraw it. Didn’t complain either.

“We want him to get the dick he deserves, not the one you think he does.” Johnny hadn’t touch a blunt in years, but the after effects of the wisdom trip it induced still lingered.

Not really, he was just prone to saying bullshit masked as fake-deep quotes.

“Do I have any saying in the matter?” Jaehyun asked weakly, receiving a negative from all three of his seniors. “Didn’t expect to.”

-

 

Turns out, everyone in town was invited to that damn party. However, they got into the guest list in a rather legal way, even if they were pretty late to it. But thanks to the wonders of technology and young love, they weren't received with questioning eyes when Sicheng opened the door.

A text message. That was how they got in.

"Hey guys! Nice to see you all." Sweet and joyful as always, with maybe a dopey smile. Probably caused by the beer he was currently holding. Sicheng looked happy beyond belief. As if that was really his house warming party.

All Johnny had learned from Jaehyun's part about the evening, went as follows: the apartment belonged to a graduated in design. Interior design. Got signed into a rather luxurious studio as an intern. He worked there now full time. His name didn't stick to the Chicago native, but he recalled it being easy to remember. Jaehyun didn’t show him a picture of the man either, but he decided it took a very warm-hearted person to hold such a big party. Even more in a newly bought apartment.

One couldn’t really gather that many guests at one’s place out of the goodness of their hearts. Maybe it was because of the free booze. Yeah it was probably that.

And that the house was incredibly beautiful.

All those pictures of living rooms with big tall windows, lofts with white walls and fake plants, with a black and white marble kitchen? Well, that house was the poster child of that concept.

Needless to say, he was impressed. Whistling more to himself and his own stupor, Johnny walked further into the party, soon losing his friends who meddled between the crowds of people to get drinks. Or in Jaehyun's case to hold Sicheng's hand and go to the improvised dance floor.

Even though the walls were illuminated with artificial purple lights, Johnny could appreciate the paintings, maps and portraits hanging around the loft.

It was fair to say, Johnny knew absolutely no one in that damn party.

Maybe it was too early for drunk flirts to start bothering with him, or maybe since he wasn't really friends with the host, nobody would pay attention to him. Both options were boring, honestly.

"Why are your hands empty?" someone asked beside him. Too close.

The foreign figure loomed over him, awakening Johnny's fight or flight response real quick. He jumped a little backwards, catching himself before he actually punched the other. Johnny was not to be startled like that, even less in an unknown territory where he stood alone.

"What?" Johnny shouted on top of the music. The other leaned in.

"Your hands, man. I don't see you holding a drink," the boy persisted, dragging him to where Taeil and Yuta had disappeared minutes ago.

"I'm fine really." Johnny chuckled at the other’s ministrations.

The boy had been fast for a drunk youngster: coming up to hold Johnny’s hands, looking at them in horror, and then looking up. Big eyes sparkling with bewilderment.

Johnny’s laughter was echoed by the leading boy, making something fond bloom in the American’s heart. There really was something familiar about the younger, and he couldn’t point out exactly why.

"Nonsense!" The boy's voice cracked between the two syllables, his big smile making his entire face look warm.

A thought flashed through Johnny’s brain, as they swerved dancing bodies. That boy reminded him of himself during college days. Where his enthusiasm was sometimes misunderstood, his social skills overbearing with a tad too much of alcohol. Goofiness and clumsy, all height and no malice.

They got to the kitchen, stepping over filthy to the brim with empty bottles and take away boxes, to stand by the isle. The boy stopped, gesturing Johnny to stay there with a serious frown, which completely shifted when Johnny nodded.

And by the way he walked, yeah, that dude was pretty wasted. Which could only be understandable if he was a lightweight like Sicheng. But judging by the biceps the boy was sporting, flexing them while getting the bottles, Johnny decided that maybe it was the latter.

If it wasn’t then hell, mark him as shocked.

Returning with the bottles and a cup pinched between two free fingers, the boy spoke. "Never seen you before man, what's your name?" It was funny how his voice sounded rough already, as if he had been screaming for hours.

Maybe the gang had indeed, joined the party too late after all.

"Johnny," he simply answered.

Soon he got entranced by observing the other's movements. The kid might have been drunk, but damn he was set on mixing a good ass drink for Johnny.

"A pleasure, Johnny. I'm Yukhei, you can call me Lucas though. Both are cool," Yukhei shrugged as he offered him the drink. "I promise it's not poison, even though it sure as fuck burns your throat."

His legs weavered like his voice, forced, ragged, about to break. A juxtaposition of his posture and his stance. Yukhei sure was one interesting fella.

Johnny smiled at the younger. Definitely younger, for he had mixed black vodka and limoncelo, and took a sip.

It was sour. Painfully so. But Johnny wasn't going to get drunk off of that. "Thanks man." He fought the urge to pull a face and stick out his tongue. Come on, he had done worse.

"No problemo!" shouted Yukhei sliding an arm around him.

Well, that made it official, Yukhei was now his friend and he would be sticking to him for the rest of the night.

It could be worse, at least the kid was funny. "So, tell me dear Johnnyboy," Yukhei started eagerly, smile still covering his face as he leaned against counter. "How do you know Kun-ge?"

"I don't, actually," Johnny answered with a smile, taking another sip of that lemon alcoholic concoction. "My friend Jaehyun has this big crush on Sicheng, look there they are… good God." He pointed at where the two were not so innocently dancing with each other.

Lord, what a sight. Jaehyun wasn't really a bad dancer per se, he could do some mean body rolls, but next to Sicheng, he was at lost. Still bound to his insecurities, making him extra cautious of where his hands rested and how he moved. A shame.

An idea.

"Hey man, could you make another one of these for Jaehyun?" the elder said raising his half empty cup.

"Sure thing!" And with that Yukhei untangled himself from Johnny and repeated the process of drink making.

It was amusing to see him try bartender tricks and almost dropping the bottle, pretending nothing happened seconds after, and suddenly turning extra careful with it, like he was holding a sacred object.

Johnny let his eyes wander through the party, still not a clue of who the host might be.

The alcohol suddenly blurring the edges of the furniture a little bit, people turning into a cloudy mass before his eyes. Blinking twice, his vision was restored but he felt slightly light headed. Yeah, the drink would do Jaehyun just fine. The push Yuta mentioned earlier in the form of a red cup, and with a very strong taste.

All at once, the music stopped. Everyone turned to a rather small boy who looked beyond apologetic. "Sorry guys, happy hour is over. You all knew the deal.” And with that and a roaring sound of complaints, people started to head to the entrance.

It was a stream of people. A huge deal of people. Alarmingly so.

Squinting at his watch, it clicked. Midnight. Cinderella hour. The party must have started pretty early. Proof? Yukhei and Sicheng.

And rest assured, a newly titled tenant wouldn’t want to get the evicted on the account of a party. Made sense.

However, Johnny couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He was barely one drink in and hadn’t danced with anyone. A whole bummer.

The things he did for Jaehyun and his quest of getting some dick, honestly.

“It’s over already?" Johnny's new found friend asked, cup in his hand.

"Midnight,” answered the black haired taking the drink and ducking his head so Yukhei could go back to their last position.

"You are not leaving right?" Okay, Johnny could appreciate the younger's cuteness. Eyes were round and big -- bigger than Jaehyun's, impressive -- excitedly looking around and at Johnny like a puppy.

If Johnny squinted, he could see a tail wagging and a pair of ears on top of Yukhei's head. After that thought, Johnny decided to stop drinking. And to punch Taeyong's arm next time he’d see him, for ever introducing him, unwantedly so, to the furry world.

"And miss how Jaehyun finally confesses to Sicheng? Not in a million years." Even though it took a second, Yukhei smiled at him and nuzzled his neck. Good god, stupid Taeyong. But Johnny patted the other's arm until the younger deemed okay to stop cuddling in the kitchen.

The lights changed then, the purple turning into piercing white. Johnny found himself groaning. Yukhei covering his face, muffling his loud whine before yelling in a language he couldn't understand.

Using this time of confusion, Johnny went to get a bottle of water. More so for Yukhei and his friends than for himself.

The younger followed when he walked back towards the living room. In a surprisingly sober-like manner, at that. Yukhei might be slurring through his words, which Johnny still couldn’t understand. Funnily enough, the kid could fool a very tired policeman. That or he was a master at walking in straight lines.

"Watch your fucking mouth Yukhei!" yelled back the guy who had called the party off, now in a language Johnny did understand.

The guy was bending down to pick up stray empty cups and put the furniture back into its place. And yes, Johnny would admit he was staring. In fact, he was so blatantly checking the boy out, Yukhei had to nudge him once on his side.

“That’s Kun-ge,” he informed quietly, with wiggling eyebrows and a stupid smirk.

The way Johnny turned away from his breath should count as a surviving skill.  

“Aye aye, captain,” Yukhei said now louder before sliding himself away from Johnny and onto the floor to help Kun.

So that was the infamous Kun, huh? Well, Johnny couldn’t say he wasn’t surprised. He wouldn’t have bet his money on that kid at all. In his experience, people who threw such parties in the safety of their own home didn’t look like the main character’s childhood friend.

You know, the sweet, charming, funny, honest boy who would be by your side no matter what.  

And that was looking at him from afar.

Curiosity kicked in. Because of the alcohol? Not really. But let’s blame it all to the liquor. Makes things much more fun.

His feet moved, suddenly his only objective was to just see the host better. Figure out how tall he was, how his eyes fluttered when he blinked, how he smiled. There was this, something, pulling Johnny in. Stupid and fairytale like.

What the fuck was in that drink? Loneliness, most likely. Desperation, a tinge perhaps. And fascination. To find someone new who poked his interest.

However, speaking of drinks.

Johnny looked around to find the owner of the newly poured drink, now that the place was emptier it sure seemed bigger, but it was easier to at least sort out the people.

Once spotted in a corner with an adorable Chinese boy by his side, Johnny stopped in his tracks. A shame such a carefully crafted cocktail would go to waste.

Then a breeze.

Or something stupid like that.

Like in a morning drama.

Time stop for that fraction of a second. That one instant that most people would just blink past and carry on with their days. Until it was their turn.

His world might as well had turned upside down. A brush on his shoulders the only thing seeming to anchor him to reality. It was just a human being. With two legs, a beating heart, and fluffy brown hair. Nothing else.

Then why the fuck did Johnny’s throat run dry when the aforementioned host walked past him? What was in his walk? In the way he carried himself? It was a fucking instant, even though Johnny had seen the other coming.

When he exhaled, it came out shaky. Electrified.

When he unfroze, like the bottle he was holding, Johnny looked over his shoulder. His gaze trailed up and down Kun’s body once more. And then he forced himself to snap out of it.

Because, what the actual fuck just happened?

Yeah, that one he was definitely blaming it on the alcohol.

He shook his head. Deciding to deal with it when he was sober.

“Hey what’s that?” asked Jaehyun once he acknowledged Johnny’s presence, pointing at the bottle.

He seemed completely dazed, but Johnny could bet his intake of coffee for the month that the young Romeo hadn’t touched a drink that night.

Maybe he had taken something else to seem so at peace. A make out session? A make out session. Good for him.

The hypothesis making was halted to a stop once Johnny saw Jaehyun’s arm around Sicheng’s middle. That was an improvement, and he couldn’t deny his pride. Perhaps he never needed Yuta’s plan to begin with.

“Just water.” Johnny took a long swing. To Jaehyun’s bravery.

To whatever that had been.

To his new found upside-down world.

Yuta showed  then, hair disheveled and lips swollen. In tow, an equally  
demolished Taeil, but more sober, appeared from the same corridor, eat shitting  
grin on his face. He caught Yuta by the waist and spun him around, only  
stopping when the boy’s chuckles echoed through the empty rooms.

“Wait, where is everyone?” Taeil asked, a giggling Yuta catching his  
breath in his arms.

“Landlord rules, no parties after midnight,” replied Kun, throwing himself onto the couch. The job of a host was as exhausting as it was fun. “You guys can stay around for a bit if you want,” he shrugged.

“Aw, look at this oldie! Are you tired already, ge?” That was Yukhei, who, with very much no regard for Kun’s well being, launched himself against the elder. Both of them groaning in pain, sofa included.

The beige furniture became the gravitational center of the group, gathering around. That was different, this did not happen in normal parties. Johnny was used to dry throats and wet bodies, dancing and kisses. Mistakes covered in foreign sheets and walks of shame. Not a fucking boy scouts reunions with sobering young adults.

Regardless, he didn’t have any excuse to leave now, neither had he had anything else better to do. The prospect of going to a club appeared like a chore, he despised clubs.

Besides, Johnny found appetizing how the only spot left was on the other side of the host. Granted, he ended up squished by his things and the arm rest. However, the point of contact was now his main point of balance. His core.

Johnny was so not leaving that small spot in the universe.

“Great party.”

“A fucking shame we showed up like three hours late, apparently.” Yuta was really not the one to miss a party. But, he wouldn’t be pissed for long.

“Should have specified about the time,” Sicheng apologized from where his head rested on top of Jaehyun’s.

“So you invited them?” Kun didn’t sound too serious. Even though he did have an authoritarian aura, his eyes were roundish, big, button nose and warm smile. A contradiction. An enigma. Johnny found himself desirous to find out how he worked.

 

Suddenly, he was met with a familiar sight.

A piano. Even though modern and never as grand as his piano forte back in Chicago, the instrument winked at him in the light of the lamp.

Sitting by the window, with a painting on the wall behind it, Johnny felt the same pull as before. But this time, his world found its axis again. And if his feet seemed stuck in place a few minutes prior while standing in front of Kun, now they moved.

And just like the rest of him, his fingers acted on the own. Maybe out of instinct, reaching for the keys, tracing them. He let out a breath he had been holding for a while now. For far too long.

Sometimes it came in waves — nostalgia that is. Other times it was a mere whisper, a murmur in his veins. Others, like right then in that dim light and carpeted living room; it came in a loud pang. Like that time he fell off a tree, an echo starting from the back of his head, instant cold panic down his spine. And then calmness.

As much as Johnny now had to duck to get out of the bus, he used to look tiny next to his old piano. He used to marvel at the woodwork, trying to understand, how such massive object could create notes so fragile.

The pad of his forefinger ghosted over the edge of Kun’s piano, each button, level, screw. It was nice, to find some sort of familiarity in a strange place. Even more so in the form of a silent object, sitting in the corner of the room.

“Didn’t you hear the guy, Johnny? No loud noises past midnight,” teased Yuta from where he was sitting on the floor.

“You play too, Johnny?” His name felt thick and foreign in Kun’s tongue. His pure curiosity made the taller turn and smile. Weakly.

“Used to,” he sighed, sitting on the stool, missing the pedals poking from under the piano. His piano. “Had to sell it to pay rent.”

It was a sad memory, devastating honestly.

Some would call it his catharsis. If there was a line tracing Johnny’s life, it would show a cut there. When the van drove away, white against the asphalt.

Johnny joked it felt like a break up. He just had to get over it.

But it wasn’t. A breakup means closure. And there was a part of Johnny, the one who refused to let adulthood rob him out in the open, that didn’t accept that. That knew the piano would come back.

Somehow.

In one way or another.

And he found it.

“That’s horrible.” It was. It was horrible.

“Worse things I could have done.”

“Hey, can you guys play us something?” Yukhei sounded sleepy, a lullaby away from dream world.

“Maybe another time,” Johnny deflected softly. A smile drew in his features, and if Kun had known him better, he wouldn’t had smiled back. He would have done like Yuta, or Taeil, forcefully trying to change the subject.

“So, like I was saying, Yukhei are you listening?”

“Huh?”

“About how I managed to scam an entire frat dorm?” A great story.

“Oh, yeah.”

Johnny removed himself quietly from the conversation. Like a bad weed, no one really noticed as he pressed his fingers to the silent keys, no notes responding to his movements. Wonders of technology, again.

Closing his eyes and breathing in once deeply, he took the numb noise of the keys hitting the hard plastic base as an incentive and started playing. It was an old song he learned back in Christmas to surprise his grandmother. It was complicated, almost took him an entire year to get it perfectly, but once mastered he couldn’t forget it. Like riding a bicycle, one could say.

His fingers got tangled at the realization that someone had been standing besides him. Apparently he hadn’t turned invisible, not for everyone.

Regardless, Kun wouldn’t be the one to startle him, the alcohol made him miss. Of course. He let his fingers rest on the keys, slide on them and onto his lap. White flag. Surrender.

“I am really sorry you had to give up your piano,” Kun mumbled.

“It wasn’t really that hard of a decision,” Johnny lied, looking up at the host. Which was rare given that Kun didn’t stand taller than his shoulder. “I wasn’t going anywhere with it anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Kun stepped closer, to face Johnny properly.

“Well, if you aren’t part of an orchestra by your twentieth birthday, your music career might as well have never existed.” It was almost scary, even daunting how Johnny managed to smile through those cruel words.

“You really liked playing, didn’t you?” It had to be the shared and freshly discovered passion, Kun had to feel what Johnny had felt.  Because, Kun’s voice didn’t get any louder, the tone of secrecy turning that apparently trivial conversation into something so intimate. Delicate and bounding. It almost made Johnny flee.

“It’s not like it matters now, does it?” That was not the type of conversation he wanted to have with Kun, at least not the first one.

They should be talking about regular stuff. The stuff people talk about when they are getting to know each other: favorites, dislikes, pets. Giving each other smirks, innuendos even, exchanging numbers. Not about one of Johnny’s most traumatic experiences.

Piano meant stability, meant childhood and innocence and will to explore the world. And Kun shouldn’t be able to read him so easily. He shouldn’t be able to ease him and console him, when he didn’t know the first thing about Johnny. Kun only could understand as much.

At the same time, it should make Johnny so shaken to receive empathy. From someone so kind and gorgeous either. But there he was, regretting ever crossing the threshold.

The taller had hoped for free alcohol and a good time. Not to feel so fragile, cut open in front of someone he just met. Kun couldn’t have a solution to overcome his problems with loss and his fear of growing up.

So Johnny stood up, finally regaining some control and power over the situation. Facing the window, he had to squint for a second but his eyes finally made up what was going on outside.

“It’s snowing.” And of course it was. Winter had decided to come early that year. Stupidly early.

Oh how much fate loved to play with him.

All while in the house of a very attractive, handsome young man.

A handsome young man who took Johnny’s words as a conversation ender, turning to the bunch of kids on the living room chatting about, and asked if they wanted anything warm to drink.

He was met by an uproar and Yukhei climbing down from the couch, wide awake now, yelling about getting blankets for everyone.

Following the snowflakes as they danced through the air, Johnny calmed down. It  had to disappear. That feeling. That hostility.

It wasn’t his fault, Kun or anyone’s, and blaming it on the alcohol was just not acceptable. Morally.

So, rewind. Delete. Start over.

He still had a whole entire night in front of himself to get to know the other, to talk, to see what everything was going. Kun had dried seas and destroyed mountains by just brushing past Johnny. And he wanted more. Normal was overrated anyway.

As Yukhei handed the fluffy blankets around, Johnny made his way to the kitchen. Finding the host of the party already there.

Okay, backtrack. The domesticity of the situation made him halt in his steps. He needed a plan of action. His eyes flew around the living room: Jaehyun’s dusty pink cheeks and Taeil brushing is own hair. Familiarity. Kun with a carton of milk and focused. Eyebrows furrowed.

Foreign. Different.

And so very welcoming.

“Hey, need any help with the drinks?” was uttered just as quietly as Kun had approached him before.

It was almost gloomy who empty the kitchen was after the party. Only the cupboard boxes and plastic cups flooding the trash bags were the inanimate witnesses of it.

“If you don’t mind.” Kun was smiling at the offer.

So maybe Kun was really extremely understanding. Or Johnny was just that irresistible. He wasn’t really that boastful so he chose the first.

Standing next to the stove, Johnny awaited for orders.

“What did the kids order?” He hated staying still.

So he went to help Kun with a mug that had been tugged way too deeply inside the cabinet. Because he could only watch the other attempting to fetch it for so long.

Rest assured he did the move. You know, the whole letting his fingers linger on the cup as Kun took it in his hands. As the cliché says, it was electrifying. But again, it felt like a soothing wave.

Kun blinked once, twice looking up now. He was confused, and Johnny didn’t blame him. There would be a time to explain why the change of attitude. But now they had drinks to make.

“Um, chamomile tea for Sicheng, black tea with lemon for Jaehyun, hot chocolate for Yukhei…” Kun listed out as he put the kettle on the stove.

“And let me guess: hot chocolate for Taeil as well and I bet Yuta asked for green tea.” Johnny ended the list as he poured the milk on the now assigned Yukhei’s and Taeil’s mugs.

“Bingo,” chuckled Kun after finding the kettle. “What do you want?”

After the episode from a few minutes ago, Johnny had to catch himself from letting out any comment crafted by his self-deprecating humor.

Instead, he just let a small hum gargle in his throat. People tend to do that to gain themselves some time, but no matter how many seconds passed, Johnny still felt the tingle where his fingers met Kun’s. He could sense Kun’s eyes on him. And he absolutely loved it.

Ultimately, threw his arms up slightly.

“Whatever you are having.” Johnny resolved, unconsciously leaning towards the younger.

“Well I wanted to have you on a date with me, but I’m still unsure about how to ask you.” Kun smirked, meeting Johnny’s now bewildered gaze.

Well, how’s that for a change of attitude? At least on the surface. Maybe that had been his plan all along. Johnny suspected it was, given the self-satisfactory smile adorning Kun’s lips. Johnny was impressed. And curious.

“Yes, chef,” Johnny chuckled softly, putting the mugs on the microwave to heat up the milk. “Would you like that for dinner or lunch?” Two could play the same game. And Johnny loved analogies.

After struggling a little with the buttons, Kun took over the stove.

Looking back at it, Johnny would have laughed. Because he would remember it in slow motion, just like bad romance movies would showcase it: Kun’s back rubbing against torso as he reached to turn the damn stove on.

But the taller hadn’t laughed then. Just gulped and stared.

“There you go,” he mumbled strained before returning to his position. “So I did ask and yet, I don’t see an answer, big boy.”

The kettle whistled then, and as Johnny handed him the mugs, his reply came. “Wouldn’t be much of a date if I end up crashing here after the night.”

“A bit forward of you.” Kun poured the water mindfully, almost like Yukhei had poured the drinks. “But I’m not going to kick you out, because you are Sicheng’s crush’s friend, and you leaving would mean Jaehyun leaving, and that would mean Sicheng whining for the loss until dawn,” Kun continued, pointing at an invisible map of sorts and he tried to make the connections in his mind.

“And you wouldn’t miss me as well?” Johnny pouted, and it should be appreciated how much Kun tried to not be affected by it. Emphasis on trying

“Oh my god, just pass me the box with the tea, Johnnyboy.” The nickname flew naturally, almost more so than his name had in the beginning, and it made that something grow between Johnny’s ribs.

The snow piled up slightly on the windowsill in front of them, and yet Johnny felt like he had been tucked in like his mother used to.

“That’s a lot of tea boxes,” he mumbled seconds before he put the boxes over his head. “Are those the ones you want?” Kun jumped for them twice, until he almost tackled the other, arm around his waist.

The sudden embrace made Johnny drop the act, and almost drop the small boxes, placing them on the counter. It would have been easy to hug Kun back, to cup his face and lean in. Sort out the mess of tension and familiarity that hung around them. It would also have been disastrous, throwing off the smooth dynamic they were crafting together.

Yeah, that’s how it felt, strange and yet vivid, like Kun was holding his hand somehow and figuring it out alongside with him. Maybe that’s how adults gave in to feelings. Maybe that’s how everyone should. It felt less lonely.

“I was going to ask if you guys needed any help.” Taeil’s smug face appeared out the door frame. “But I see you two are perfectly fine.” And with that he was gone, cackle muffled by the distance.

It was cruel to be reminded how close they were standing, because parting meant to lose that little bubble of comfort, to break a world that was only starting to bloom. As if to console it, the couple shared a polite laughter that died when Kun stirred the chocolate and Johnny asked for marshmallows.

“Yukhei can’t eat those. I have whipped cream though.” He pointed at the fridge and Johnny followed suit.

Now, Johnny would pride himself in his barista skills, having paid his tuition with what he earned in the campus’ cafeteria. And that work couldn’t be left out from his personal accomplishments, making the drink that much more appetizing.

It was funny how his body worked with muscle memory; whipped cream swirls and christmas carols on the piano.

At least this time he got a thumbs up and a dimple filled smile from Kun. Not his pity.

“If your goal was to impress me, Johnathan, I’ll gladly infrom you that you did,” Kun congratulated before stepping closer and opening his mouth. “I want some too.” And it stood open.

Oh.

Oh well.

Damn.

Johnny would deny the shaking in his hands as he found himself unable to deny the other. You see, Johnny was a simple boy: small job at a magazine, black iced americanos and ripped jeans. Throw in his obsession with plushies, and his clumsiness and you’ve pretty much summarized Johnny Suh.

But apparently he had a weak spot. Like a very unknown and in the form of a button nosed guy one.

He made a whipped cream swirl in Kun’s mouth. The shorter ate it, but left white residue stain his lips.

Johnny Seo was a simple man, with simple needs and simple reactions. So following Kun’s tongue glide over his lips was to be expected.  

 

-

 

At the end, Johnny didn’t spend the night at Kun’s house. But Jaehyun did, and Kun guessed that as long as one of the group won that night, everyone did. A group win. Kun tried to feel accomplished more than he felt a tad disappointed.

Even though he had left his hook up life far behind, Johnny could have been his exception. But was he really willing to risk putting someone he might  (unavoidably now that Sicheng and Jaehyun were pretty much a _thing_ ) have to be friends with? It truly was a dilemma. Give this one to his heart or his dick.

The latter could wait, Kun ultimately decided in a more soberish state. It had waited enough he could wait for the tall too. Because, there was no rush, was it? They were not getting younger but old age wasn’t scary. Not to Kun.

“Ge,” whined Yukhei, now back to his senses. “Sicheng is sleeping in my bed.” He sounded like a child telling his sibling off to his dad.

“Fine.” Kun agreed to the silent request, lifting his sheets and letting Yukhei crawl beside him. “You reek of alcohol.”

“I’ve been made aware by one of Jaehyun’s friends.” The younger rolled to his side, pulling Kun’s arms around him when the older took too long to do it himself.

“Well, at least you got something more from tonight than just a hangover.” Kun left out against the back of Yukhei’s neck.

“You’re the one to talk, ge. I saw how you gazed Johnnyboy up and down,” he joked after a yawn.

“He is older than you, Xuxi. I bet he is older than me too.” Johnny’s demeanor, the way he carried himself told Kun so. And it didn’t bother Kun. He used to lust over older man before scurrying out of their expensive houses when the morning so much as waved hello.

“So? I poured him a drink, and he put his arm around my waist.” Yukhei sounded proud, but it was hollow, already knowing he wouldn’t get much out of the tall, new found friend.

“Are you trying to make me feel jealousy? Is this suddenly a competition?”

“What if it was?” Kun could feel Yukhei’s challenging expression. Pulling a laughter out of him. This was how they worked, sometimes. Kun could be as overbearing as a mother bear, but he was still only three years older than Yukhei.

Besides, teasing was part of his nature as much as being caring was. “I let him pour whipped cream in to my open mouth. And he said yes to a date with me.”

“I accept my defeat,” Yukhei said chuckling, rubbing his face on the pillow and thank god the kid wasn’t much into make up anymore. “You’ll have to tell me how that went in the morning. How do you ask someone on a casual date after...that?”

“What was that you told me? You know, when you first saw that kid you like, Donghyuck?” It was weird. Kun could accept that as a fact, but that’s how Kun was. If someone had to embody the saying don't judge a book by its cover, that had to be Qian Kun. A condition he nothing but enjoyed, if he was to be paid for leaving people speechless he’d be rich by now.

In all honesty, Kun hadn't really expected Johnny to comply to his request. Both of them. But he did. If Kun was an ancient book, Johnny seemed ready to decipher him. Others gave up. Others wanted nice and easy. To use and throw away.

“Wait, so this is a romantic thing? Like that’s what you want out of this?” Yukhei didn’t answer Kun’s question.

“Was it something like how the sun rays just suddenly turned a tad warmer? Yeah, something along those lines, like the world suddenly felt kinder,” Kun recalled, eyes finally closing. “Like the universe told you, this is the one you have been looking for.”

  


-

 

Kun had a date. That didn’t normally go together. Not due to a natural disliking of dating by the Chinese boy. It just never came up. Dating, that is.

It was much more practical to just go out, find someone who felt just as lonesome, kiss some, hold onto each other, let out the frustrations on the sheets and nail tracks down Kun’s spine and call it a night. It was a task more than an event, really. Just something his body sometimes asked him, begged him for. So he did it, felt good for a couple of minutes and left. Worth it, but not so much as to actively seek a partner.

And also, the other reason was his studies. Kun was a diligent student, that to begin with. Raised as an only child, all the expectations had been pushed onto his shoulders, until refusing social meetings in favour of his studies had become a natural response. An instinct of sorts.

But he had a date. With someone who he met at his own party. Tall, black hair, doey eyes and the kindest smile Kun ever saw. It was fair to say Johnny was just Kun’s type. And it would be hollow to say that was the only reason why he felt attracted to him. That’s why he wanted to go on a date with him. To know him, to understand him. To figure out what made him smile so wide, what made him blush, what motivated him.

Kun didn’t do dates, but he was willing to try, because after years of denying himself, it started to feel good to indulge his romantic side. Even if that meant build expectations that might never be met. Kun was willing to try to remember how to do romance. He was.

 

“A rose?” Sicheng asked, deep voice and high arched eyebrow.

“It’s cute. It suits him.” Kun didn’t even use his defensive tone. Acknowledging how out of character he was being. But it was nice. That little emoji flower next to Johnny’s name on his phone. Disturbing his lock screen for a week now. Their conversation ever-flowing, almost everlasting.

“What emoji am I?” asked Yukhei around his toast.

“A tortoise.” It seemed to delight at the revelation, smiling and munching. “Sicheng, you are the chick.”

“The joke’s getting old,” he complained sitting down with his toasts as well. Typical Wednesday afternoon, with their afternoon chat and afternoon snack.

Kun sighed. If he could transfer that moment somehow, if he could put it somewhere maybe between the lines of a pentagram, it probably wouldn’t even begin to make it justice. That was family. Home away from home.

The notes playing in his brain, he closed his eyes, the afternoon had been kind enough to gift the world a pink sky. There was this note suddenly, that made the corner of his mouth perk. It was at the end, but it fit. It looked like a tall, black haired, doey eyed note. Kun liked it there already.

“So when’s the date?” asked Sicheng once more.

They had all been kind enough to not overreact at the mention of Kun’s interest towards Johnny. Maybe empathy given by the boys’ already taken hearts stopping them from an interrogatory about Johnny. Kun was well aware he didn’t knew much. Yet.

“Two days’ time.” It came out casual enough. The nerves usually appeared at night.

“Are you excited?” A nod. “Nervous?” More nodding. “Wanna hear a secret?” The nodding intensified. “A very handsome, rosy cheeked bird told me Johnny hasn’t stopped talking about that goddamn date for a week now.”

Kun blushed. Wow, so his body remembered that too, huh?

-

 

“It’s not creepy,” Johnny defended himself, clutching his phone against his chest. Taeil had given up on prying it from his hold as a whole. Still, he had faked to do so twice now, Johnny was not trusting the older.

“Has he given you his handle?” Yuta was watching the interaction with feigned disinterest.

“I already told you yes, yes he has.” It was around three am, Tuesday turning Wednesday. Johnny forgot what their text conversation was about. Probably food.

“Then it’s not creepy,” the Japanese boy decided, finishing his orange.

“He has been scrolling down that damn instagram profile for hours now. What do you want to find? His teenage mirror selfies?” One couldn’t trust Taeil. For the elder had thrown himself on Johnny again, the couch barely able to fit the tallest, now struggling to keep the fighting boys on its hold.

And then Taeil hit the ground. In that comic way where his butt hits the floor and he is rendered speechless, big eyes looking at the winner surprised. If you could call Johnny the winner.

He had visibly become pale, the phone falling out from his grasp, bumping against his knee as he sat down. “I liked one picture,” he gulped.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Yuta rolled his eyes. “I thought we were nearing our thirties, not fifteen.”

“A picture from four years ago,” Johnny clarified, throat dry.

“Okay, that is creepy.”

Jaehyun arrived at his shared apartment to find Taeil trying to fan out his blushed cheeks, Johnny holding his elephant plushie like a life lane, and Yuta doing a facemask that totally did not belong to him.

-

 

He’d gathered enough information from Kun to not fear for his life when he met him alone. Not that a boy that barely reached his shoulders would intimidate, six feet tall Johnny. However, he did feel safe knowing Kun was a morning person, for starters, his favourite color was red and that he worked at a interiorist agency. Whatever that was.

It would be a mistake, truth be told, to call Kun normal. Because normal meant boring. Normal was missionary sex and polo shirts. And someone who bears their mouth open and ask for whipped cream is not normal.

And Johnny unabashedly loved that.

“Leave it to me to ask you out on a date the coldest day of the month.” The tip of Kun’s nose was cherry red, his cheeks following suit.

It was frostbiting cold, snow had been mercilessly launched from the sky for what felt centuries, but Johnny didn’t really mind. Not when Kun’s smile was a lit torch in front of him. Warm and gold. The sun could stay behind the clouds as long as it wanted.

“Then let’s go somewhere warm,” the taller suggested, sniffling, because yeah, easy metaphors aside, it was cold.

“Coffee?” Kun asked as if they hadn’t meet up at nine am in the goddamn morning on a Saturday.

“Please.”

And with that they were off, the streets filled with people who looked like they would pay to not be outside. Not that Johnny really paid much attention to mundane happenings, having an angel amongst men do small talk to him.

“Oh?” Suddenly, the boy’s tone turned to full on curiosity.  Perhaps a little bit of worry as well mixed in his posture: awaiting for the green light, but completely focused on Johnny’s hands.

Feeling self-conscious, Johnny clenched them to fists a couple of times. What was it with those flat mates and Johnny’s hands? What kind of fixation was that?

“Why aren’t you wearing any gloves?” It was almost like a demand, an explanation after a very wrong-doing from Johnny’s part.

“I dunno.” He did know. Jaehyun and Taeil had teamed up to burn his fingerless gloves two winters ago, and he never really gave the chance of getting new ones much thought. “It’s fine, though.”

“Like hell it is!” Could be anger. Yeah, it could be that. If it wasn’t for the smug smile tugging at Kun’s lips as he held Johnny’s hand and shoved it into his jacket pocket.

“You are one smooth fucker,” Johnny admitted, chuckle turning into mist in front of him.

“And you like it,” Kun retorted, tugging Johnny once the light changed green.

He did.

-

The place was any hipster’s wet day dream. Wooden walls, only halfway. Minimalistic furniture, obnoxiously optimistic messages on the wall and jazz fusion playing softly. It was kind of hectic, but given the outside circumstances, it was to be expected.

But that wasn’t important. The place, the situation really wasn’t that important as long as Johnny kept doing what he was doing inside his pocket. Caressing his knuckles.

Listen here, there was something that got Kun weak on the knees better and faster than neck kisses –mind you, that was his brand– was to have his knuckles caressed while holding hands. And Johnny was doing a great job, he was a damn pro at it and Kun could just have dragged the taller away and kiss the living soul out of him.

But patience.

Kun was good with that.

So the took their hands out of his pocket. Didn’t un-intertwine their fingers, because Kun was patient, but not a fucking idiot.

“Oh, they have the chestnut latte,” Kun commented with a tinge of excitement. It was a delicious blend, and it had to be considered a crime the fact that it wasn’t available all year-round. “What are you going to have?”

And Kun might be one smug fucker.

But Johnny was a sly beast himself.

Driving their interlocked hands up to his lips, his own finger pressing against his lips and Kun wanted to yell. This is the closest, yet furthest he’d been from his lips and it was agonizing. As much as it was intoxicating, the game never stopped and the ball was everywhere.

He couldn’t say he missed this whole courting thing, since Kun never really did this: dates, text conversations, flirting out in the open. And waiting.

“Well,” He started, “I would like to have you for dinner tonight.”

Kun outright choked.

There wasn’t really much more to it. He just took in a little bit of air and there he was, a coughing mess.

Johnny chuckled as he fussed over Kun, free hand on his back. Dimple in his cheek. Who the fuck has a dimple on his cheek? Kun’s date apparently.

“If you don’t kill me first, I’d like that,” Kun said, coming down from his coughing fit.

After putting up a fight, Johnny ended up paying for Kun’s latte and cheesecake as well as his own order. Their hands had been separated but only for Johnny’s arm to wrap around his middle. The wrestling had Kun almost decking the taller down, but said boy just held him aside instead. Manhandling him like a ragdoll.

“You fight dirty, you know?” Kun complained, tray in his hands.

“Then fight someone your height, baby bean.”

It took all Kun’s willpower to not cringe and hence, drop their breakfast. “I told you not to call me that.”

-

“Oh, that’s nice.” It was left as a murmur. A simple polite remark on the decoration, but it was genuine. It really wasn’t a regular occurrence to find a café in the capital with a fireplace, with actual fire cracking and burning alive.

“It is, isn’t it?” Kun had a glimmer in his eyes that Johnny would love to take a dip into. They were so full of warmth, yet there was something so enigmatic about them. Inviting, cozy. But fierce.

Like those flames in the fireplace, right behind Kun’s back.

The coffee never tasted quite as good when warm. Johnny was an iced Americano type of boy, even during the winter. But he wasn’t really going to risk getting a cold out of his favorite drink, he could never handle such betrayal. So he let the milk of his latte burn his tongue as he stared at Kun.

It was undeniable that he had a crush. And he would be ridiculed for it. How dare a grown adult with a stable job and a rent have a crush?

“You told me about an article that wasn’t quite going through, how did that end?” Kun asked before launching for his drink.

Whatever. Johnny had a crush. On a guy who mostly talked through text, who had pretty much taken in a guy double his height and who he was getting to know. That’s how it worked. Always.

So he let himself melt on those eyes in all their shapes and forms. When they turned into crescents, laughter blooming through them. When they were wide open, almost impossibly big and Johnny was talking about how the fire alarm had been manipulated as a prank and had all the students out of the dorm for hours on end.

Kun fed him some blueberry cheesecake, but scrunched his nose at Johnny’s peanut butter cupcake. “Allergic?”

“Just not really fancy the taste.” He had shrugged it out, hand still hovering where he had refused, only to chase after Johnny’s.

Their fingers learned how to play with each other in a few minutes, conversation now lighter, Kun resting his cheek on his free hand, Johnny trying to hold himself from giggling. It was an arduous deed, and let’s give it to him, he tried.

“What’s so funny?” How soft Kun’s voice was, how tender. It made Johnny’s heart tingle in each beat, his index finger stutter against Kun’s thumb.

“I don’t know.” Johnny said. “I guess it’s been a long time since…”

“Since what?”

“I liked someone.”

-

So, the L word.

Kun was shamefully not really that familiar with it. Not really sure where to put the line between the big L word and the lowercase L word. Yes, he didn’t have that much interest on the lore behind romanticism before, and no, he had never been the one people sook for such feats. To put it short, one could call him clueless in the whole dating scheme.

He was willing to learn, though.

Just like he did back in the day when he stood around piano class, one friend less each week. He was eager to know, to find each new sound, to see what the next page of the music sheet had in store for him. Fingers had wanted to understand the different angles, how music looked from that other perspective. The chords, the wooden pieces hidden from the world. When he ventured into exploring, Kun was thorough.

And Johnny made him want to learn what love was. What it really meant. If it really put all those interpretations to shame, if they could play a new original one themselves.

“I thought you were not allowed in the kitchen,” Johnny greeted, opening the front door of his place.

“And I am not.” Kun stepped in, repressing both the urge to stand on his tiptoes for a kiss on the cheek; and the shaking in his bloodstream at the domesticity of the act.

Leaving the carton bag on the counter, Kun let out a sigh as he took in Johnny’s apartment. It reminded of Kun’s first apartment, and it was damn difficult to leave his job mindset behind as he did. He would describe it as cozy, when introducing it to a couple that was striving to live together, not really fit for families due to its location. Whoever decided to put the windows facing south did the entire building a favor.

It was plain. Ikea furniture, neutral tones on the common areas.

And then Johnny and his colorful button up, oversized and bright red. The thought that he did it on purpose, made the shorter smile to himself. After all, he had also chosen to wear his baby blue button up.

“So, Yukhei cooked for us?” The taller had begun taking out the food tupperwares out of the bag with vivid interest, little oohs and whistles after realizing what the menu was.

“Not that I don’t trust your cooking skills.” Kun excused, realizing how it might come off as rude. “It’s just that you paid this morning, and you know.” He trailed off, suddenly at loss of words.

He was in an unfamiliar territory. Both physically and mentally.

Johnny took the lead. Like he seemed to do so whenever Kun got lost. It was a matter of correcting him, rather than just push him into the right direction. That’s not how Kun  learned.

“I know. It was nice of you, and of Yukhei.” He sat down next to Kun on the kitchen table. “I mean I can make some mean plain rice with kimchi, but that wouldn’t be very impressive for a second date, will it?” His hand, big and warm, finally decided to start shaking like it did back in the cafeteria.

Kun hadn’t mind it then, but now he sort of was taken aback by its firm journey to tuck a strand of hair behind Kun’s ear. Then down to his cheeks and on top of his on the table.

“You always impress me, Johnnyboy.”

-

 

Johnny didn’t have his piano. Not anymore.

It was a fact that hurt most days. Others were bearable.

Happy thoughts like how by getting rid of it, there was more space for his friends to come over and hang out, it didn’t take up almost half the living room and it didn’t sit alone and abandoned for most of the time.

Jaehyun might have gotten pretty fed up with it too. Since Johnny couldn’t wear headphones while playing it, the noise might have disturbed Jaehyun who, even though very warm hearted and non-confrontational, would have lasted so long before complaining.

So, all in all, wasn’t really that much of a loss. A piano forte should belong in a big house, with a back yard. And a granny that visits for Christmas.

“Isn’t your birthday coming soon?” Johnny asked, head resting against Kun’s shoulder.

“Not at all. I was born on New Year’s day.” The other didn’t mind the affection, actually encouraging it with a hand patting Johnny’s head.

“Oh that’s right. The only day that is socially acceptable to drink until your body forcefully shuts down.” Johnny recalled the conversation from a few weeks ago, elbows giving out as he lay awake, phone in hand.

The show they started watching together turned out to be the biggest let down of the year, thank God it was finally ending.

“Why do you ask? Are you planning on buying me something?” He could fall asleep like this. He had already a couple of times in the few months they’ve been doing what they were doing.

It was nice and calm. No rush, no pressure. Kun didn’t press on putting tags or names in their thing. Neither did Johnny. There was just no need.

It was easy to fall into a peaceful mindset when with the other. Which was new, frankly: Johnny had had his misadventures with partners that would rather shake him up instead. It took quite a long time for him to understand that he didn’t like their attitude because it forced him to stay alert, but rather because he was a healer and he deep down wanted to become their oasis.

But Kun was already a clear day next to a river.

“Maybe.” His voice was already tainted by sleep. “Is there anything you want in particular?”

Kun thought about it. He really did think about it, for a long time. Enough for Johnny to almost fall asleep.

“Surprise me.”

“Awesome. I’ve been told I’m good at that.”

 

-

 

“I can’t believe you are going out with a fucking Aquarius,”  complained Doyoung.

November barged in like a lion. The city was ready for it, but not Kun, who showed up at work with three more layers than the rest of his colleagues. One of them, lovely as she was, asked if there was anything wrong, and if she should take over his clients.

There wouldn’t be a single soul in this godforsaken, apparently experiencing a new ice age, world that would drag Kun away from his workplace. Even if sitting behind that big screen was taking a toll on his eyesight, there was peace on putting colors together, coming up with ideas for spaces that didn’t need to be empty.

Everything could hold the balance between void and filled. Neutral and bright red.

“Aren’t you an Aquarius as well?” The coffee machine was more a meeting point and an excuse to catch up, since the coffee it made was mediocre at best.

Or perhaps Kun had grown spoiled after drinking Johnny’s coffee ever two days.

“That is not the point.” Weak defense. Doyoung could be a mean rival in an argument, but sometimes his arguments were just off. Talking in statements rather than sentences.

“Enlighten me on what’s the point then.”

“I’ve known you since college, Kun. You don’t date.” No shit, Sherlock.

That was the whole point, Kun was testing the waters.

No, he had already tested them. They were sweet, lulled his boat ashore and then back in a gentle grasp. He had set sail and the winds were on his favor. For once.

“I do now, apparently.”

“How big?”

If Kun had drunk that brown liquid people called office coffee, he would have spit it out then. “I am not discussing Johnny’s size at the workplace.”

“So, big.” Doyoung discarded his paper cup. Offering hand sanitizer to Kun once he was done himself.

Kun wasn’t the one to reject simple hygiene. “You know I hate disappointing you Doie, but I have yet to see it myself.”

They had joked how Doyoung should had majored in drama, or should had given a shot to Broadway or local theatre at least. However, jokes always carry somewhat of truth behind them. And the way Doyoung stop in his tracks, hand on Kun’s chest, the other clutching his own, felt nothing short but Oscar-worthy to the Chinese boy.

“Who the fuck are you and what have you done to my best friend?”

 

-

 

The night had settled before Johnny could do anything about it. As if he could. It was just a shame that days with Kun felt shorter. Twenty four hours just ran out too quickly, and the next day came by and, if by some miracle, there wasn’t anything planned and they could spend it together again, it too felt short.

A black veil with some shining holes, that’s what the night sky was. And Johnny didn’t like it. He preferred the sunset, like the brush water or some impressionist artist, maybe their palette. Sunset was a slow sonata with a cheery flute in the distance, there but not disturbing, like a little bird on a tree branch.

He liked tracing the clouds with his eyes, liked the fact that there will never be another sunset like the one he was witnessing ever again. Not in the whole, time is an illusion and we all die anyway type of way. That was before. That was during college.

Now, it was more about uniqueness. About turning the page and see what the next sunset was going to look like.

Night however, was plain black like Kun’s piano forte.

“When did you start playing the piano?” he asked.

The bed that was once foreign, was now starting to feel familiar. Same with that wardrobe and the mirror next to it, the books scattered on the floor, pages opened but not crumbled.  

“Second year of middle school. No, wait, it was third year,” Kun started, hand slowly tracing up and down Johnny’s back. “We were in music class and the teacher asked if we’d be interested in taking piano lessons. And well, it didn’t take much insisting for my parents to agree.”

It was incredible how after a couple of months, they hadn’t covered something so basic about what had first brought them together.

Johnny would argue that he wasn’t ready, that piano talk just brought too much back onto him, there was too much baggage. Besides, there was so much to learn about Kun, still then.

“What about you, Johnnyboy?” The words felt calculated, left out slower than normal. Careful. Maybe not wanting to repeat the results of their first conversation.

“Are you ever going to drop that nickname?” Johnny teased, looking up to meet Kun’s eyes.

“Are you ever going to drop the baby cheeks nickname?” He was met with a very brightly laughing Johnny that shook his head until his fringe was a mess.

Good god, Kun’s dimple was a fairy’s nest, Johnny was sure of it.

“I can’t remember either. I was five? Maybe six? Childhood just…is a blur.” He earned a kiss on the top of his head. Encouraging. Soothing. The conversation could end up there. Johnny didn’t want to. The word piano had been taboo for too long. So did childhood. Time to change that. “I just remember one day, I was sitting on the stool out of curiosity as my dad played. He asked me if I wanted to play and next thing you know, I’m sitting on his lap and my little hands are on the keys.”

“That’s so adorable, I gotta see your baby pics.” More kisses. Johnny sighed.

“They aren’t that great, I was just like any other baby: chubby with big eyes.”

Kun cooed then, cupping his face.

And Johnny noticed. Felt it. He couldn’t describe what it was, it would be foolish to do so. But Kun missed after leaning in, his lips pressed against Johnny’s nose. It was enough. There was no rush.

“So, your dad taught you?” Kun asked against his temple now.

“Yeah, he was actually very cool. Didn’t have to go through scales and all that.”

“Oh, you bastard. I dreaded those.”

Johnny yelped when Kun poked his side, squirming away in his hold. He could have broken free if he could, but the mere thought of being left without Kun’s warmth sent a shiver down his spine. So he buried his head on Kun’s chest, whined him to stop and, surprisingly enough it had the desired effect.

“You miss playing, don’t you?” Johnny didn’t know he had been laughing what would be considered too loud at such hours, until Kun spoke in that quiet voice.

It was gloved, protected, for it was meant to pull out each and every thorn stuck in Johnny’s skin. It was there to heal, to sooth, as so it was Kun’s entire being. The holes in the sky making sense when reflected in his eyes. Johnny held on tighter.

He nodded.

“I miss home.” Like the cricket in a summer night, his voice was shy, if Kun was to move too suddenly it might shut Johnny up for good.

But Kun didn’t. His hand found Johnny’s, his thumb caressing Johnny’s knuckles this time around. Returning the favour. It was invigorating to say the least.

“Talk to me about it.”

And talk he did.

About how it had a little scratch on the side made by a Christmas tree. How his dog stepped on the keys when she was way too heavy or it, but the thing survived. It also lived the moving to the other side of the world, Johnny blowing sixteen candles that year.

What it meant: the notes taking him to snowed backyards, and broidery pins clacking, candles burning somewhere because Dad used to smoke.

Music turned into an escape, a getaway, a known entity in the new place.

Johnny never got talk about how it mended his first broken heart, and the next one, and loss and how it made it all feel okay. How it soothed, how it healed him.

Sleep took over before he could remark how much Kun fit as an owner of a Piano Forte.

 

-

 

It wasn’t fair.

People fit some sort of time, of space. Like sometimes a person just stands there, in the middle of a field, of the seashore, the corner shop, and they just fit. Like the entire evolution process had already foreshadowed their existence, and hence created somewhere they could fit.

And Kun thought it was unfair how Johnny could fit anywhere.

The universe was his oyster.

This fact went beyond any biased observation made by a very awestruck Kun. The taller just fit. His intimidating demeanor, yet warm personality made it seem as if the world had been created to tuck him in.

So it did in Kun’s life. The boy just clicked right in like yet another piece. Not in the toxic puzzle piece perception where, wrongly so, one might say Kun had a dent that Johnny could fill. It wasn’t that simple. One had to search through alchemy books, and old forgotten religions to understand just how well Johnny and Kun fit together.

“A sweet caramel latte for my sweet caramel boy.” It was so casual. It should make Kun react some sort of way, be it a grunt, cringing or slapping Johnny. That was how Kun was, how he acted.

Before meeting Johnny that is.

He just took the coffee with a “Well thank you, my tall Americano,” and rejoiced in the giggles such sappy words earned. Better than applause.

“Thanks for coming with.” Their free hands met, of course they did. Holding hands was almost a second nature to Johnny, and Kun wouldn’t be the one to complain.

His knuckles had never been brushed as much.

Definitely, he didn’t regret try this whole dating thing.

“Running errands with my favourite boy on a Sunday? I wouldn’t dream of anything better.” Kun could easily mean it as a joke. But it wasn’t. Wherever he and Johnny went together, good times were ensured, if Kun’s experience was anything to go by.

“Just call me your boyfriend and go, Kun,” Johnny let out after lowering his cup and throwing it away. That was also a joke, a light hearted comment the taller had threw around time and time again.

“I guess it’s long overdue, huh?” He looked up. Always up. To meet the most gentle eyes he’s known.

“Kun, I told you once and I’ll tell you again: we don’t have to rush. I was just teasing.” His tone changed accordingly with the conversation’s course.

That’s how Johnny was, and it would throw Kun for a loop if it actually didn’t make him feel like he was being wrapped around a soft blanket. Johnny understood, he didn’t pressure Kun and he listened.

It had been a rather pitiful sight.

Kun was doing good. He really was doing good. But then he wasn’t.

All at once, at an overwhelmingly fast pace. Like slamming his body against a brick wall, he couldn’t find air in the small bathroom of Johnny’s place. The shower was running a tad too hot for him, not scorchingly so. However, he felt like burning.

Thoughts piled up on top of insecurities, and when panic rose because he was not going to have a breakdown at Johnny’s apartment in all places, hell fucking broke loose.

It had been minutes, almost half an hour. The water still running, fogging the mirror. Kun’s hands on his head, memories flashing like daggers in his being, he was bleeding out without open wounds. A lot of what ifs rang in his ears, a lot of maybes trembled in his grasp.

Johnny had knocked. Polite and careful.

Kun was still naked, exposed and dripping. The taller took him in and Kun finally, finally found it in him to feel shameful. He tried to cover up, to stand up from the floor and grab a towel. All while Johnny was shutting off the water.

He hugged Kun. Good lord Johnny put a new meaning into the word embrace. Kun had cried and apologized for what felt hours.

Lunch had been rather silent, but dinner was a stream of what Kun’s heart held. Which was mostly fear. Pain and heart that wasn’t used to feel.

The main doors of the mall opened. Kun tugged Johnny closer, prompting the elder to place an arm around him instead. It was proven that such posture was not optimal for walking. And Kun couldn’t care fucking less. His own arm around Johnny’s middle, his head on his shoulder.

Yukhei’s name buzzed in his phone, an incoming call Kun picked up with a surprised look. “Yes, Xuxi? Oh, no I’m not home. I’m hanging out with my boyfriend.”

There were two screams. One loud and robotic which Kun couldn’t handle against his ear. And another softer, almost a gasp that was muffled by Johnny’s own hand. “The b word,” the taller said afterwards, like he had just found out the source of all the problems in the galaxy.

Kun rolled his eyes, before kissing the back of Johnny’s hand.

-

 

They were entering the first store when Kun hung up. Carols flooded the place from the shitty speakers, the entire place decorated in red and gold ribbons and star or tree shaped things, that honest to god not even grandmas used anymore. It was a bother to look at, both aesthetically as a professional, and personally as a customer. A train toy made its rounds around the store as well, okay fair enough, Kun had to give it to the store that it was endearing.

Kun always liked those miniature trains, especially the one on display at his childhood toy store.

 

“What did he want?” asked the taller when Kun pocketed his phone.

“If he could bring Renjun home tonight for a sleepover. They have been working hard this semester. I know Xuxi is.” Kun talked as he peeked over Johnny’s list. “Wait what is that?”

“If you are going to judge me and my choice in candles, I’m… not going to do anything, just sulk and pout,” he said defensively, hand in his sweater pocket.

“No judging, my dude.” He placed his hand on Johnny’s forearm, fingers curling on the fabric softly. “I just didn’t know they make mint candles.”

“They do and they are amazing, thank you very much.” Johnny had a lisp. At least when he spoke in English, and he sometimes did. Like right then, while his eyes were scanning the astonishingly wide range of candles displayed. It made him sound more easygoing, friendly. Draw people further in. Or at least that’s how it worked with Kun.

“Pick one for me,” the shorter requested tugging at Johnny sleeve, it got his attention and also a little laugh.

“Are you for real?”

“Come one, just pic a smell that fits me!” Suddenly candles were amazing, they were fascinating. How they could melt and re-melt and burn out, and Xuxi actually liked non-scented ones, but Xuxi also didn’t have the gall to ask the kid he liked out, so maybe he wouldn’t want someone so-not daring to pick a candle for him. A scent.

He wanted someone who used liners as pens, and liked mint candles.

“Alright, let’s see.” Johnny gave in. He usually did. “You are not a simple and plain smell guy, no my boyfriend isn’t a Peach or Blueberry guy.” He dwelled on the boyfriend word. Kun didn’t mind. “So, you are a mix. You, baby cheeks, are definitely an intricate scent, one that is refreshing as it is enchanting.”

“Are you calling me complicated?”

“I’m calling you complex. I’m calling you…” he picked out one from the shelves. “Birthday cupcake fiesta.”

Johnny stumbled back when Kun shoved him, bending down in laughter as he was hit by the shorter on the shoulder.

Later, while Johnny was paying for his mint candle, Kun took a whiff of the sweet combination and winced. However, he couldn’t repress a smile blooming as he left the candle back in its place. His eyes read over the pompous titles for the candles, but as he kept opening the crystal caps, Kun had to give it to the people naming those, it wasn’t an easy task to put a tag to all of that.

Jonny appeared after Kun left rose garden back on the shelf.

“I think I found your candle,” the taller said proudly, showing Kun yet another jar. It was a deep auburn, maroon almost, and the tag red Autumn Sonata.

It smelled like rain, like all the fluffy blankets he compulsively hoarded like a mad man, like ginger bread and a tinge of apple. Johnny poked his dimple, and it should be worrisome how used to it Kun had grown to be.

 

Instead, he let out an approving hum and a small “it’s perfect.”

 

-

 

“What do you mean you never played four handed?”

It was a big event. The message, with way too many emojis from a number Johnny later guessed belonged to Yukhei, didn’t leave much to the imagination. Ripping a muffled laughter from where he rolled in his bed, Johnny pulled his elephant plushie closer, typing a confirmation.

“What do you mean there aren’t really slutty elves with Christmas lights on their nipples like you promised in your text message, Yukhei?” responded Johnny with the same tongue, which could probably be heard in a playground.

“Really, what with what on their what?” sounded alarmed Kun, a box in his arms.

“Your roommate invited us over with this text, and I’m with giant big foot boy, we are all disappointed.” Jaehyun swatted Sicheng on the arm with the fairy lights he was holding.

They were quite the picture. Scattered around the place with different decorations in hand, Taeil and Doyoung, whom they just met, singing carols from the top of their lungs, trying to out-harmonize the other. Jaehyun tangled in cables, Sicheng laughing at him, and well, whatever Yukhei and Yuta were doing.

“I could have just put it up myself,” came from the taller, currently balancing a very focused Yuta on his shoulders.

“No! I called dibs on the star.”

It had been a trial, Johnny thought. That housewarming party had been some sort of test, like a straw draw where they all got the same color, and now they were stuck together. They weren’t really that close, they literally just met a few months ago. But there was room to grow, and to learn.

And Johnny was glad that at least Doyoung and Sicheng liked his sense of humor.

Kun brushed passed him. How repetitive. Johnny loved it. This time however, he bumped his hip against Johnny’s urging him to “move that sweet ass, or no cookies for you.”

“I think everything is covered?” Johnny argued, his whole body turning to follow Kun who had walked into the kitchen to drop the box on the counter.

“Oh, not at all. You see, we go big or go home for Christmas. All those stores we went the other day wish they could have a decoration as pretty as ours. So, hurry up and help me with these.” Kun was holding small branches that were as familiar as they were loathed by Johnny.

“Mistletoe, really?” He took one of the leaves between his fingers, inspecting it like it was insulting him.

“Don’t like it?”

“I just never really understood the appeal of kissing under it,” he explained. There were no words to describe Kun’s gaze. Well yes, maybe two: ‘try me.’

“If you help me I can maybe show you just how appealing it is.”

Kun kissed like cherries. Like those little bumble bees that buzz pass the flowers in a lazy manner, leaving Johnny’s cheeks buzzing as they pulled away. That was the first branch, up on the door frame which separated the kitchen from the entrance. Kun had clapped happily, bouncing just that tiny bit and Johnny promised himself that, no matter what, he was going to make that boy happy for as long as he breathed.

Which wasn’t long, because his breath got caught when Kun pulled him by the front of his shirt, planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Isn’t it _appealing_?” Kun repeated the word again, letting it roll in his tongue.

“Hm…I don’t know,” Johnny teased, tapping his chin. “How many more do we have left?”

“Two more.”

“Then you have two more tries to convince me.”

It was fair to say that after yet another cheek kiss given under the threshold, and a last kiss on his nose, under Kun’s studios’ door; Johnny was more than convinced

 

-

The holiday season is a liminal space. Holding the same energy as a rest stop in the middle of nowhere or a convenience store at three a.m. One day, it was Christmas day, with gifts exchanged and a lot of laughs because of course Taeil gifted Sicheng a dildo and Yukhei got a new camera; fruit of a common well where everyone put the same amount of money to get the youngest a small reward for his hard work. So there had been tears as well.

But then, next thing Johnny knew, the day circled on the calendar hanging in his room had arrived, and he was rolling his luggage down the hallway and then up to the airport. Kun had put a small keychain on his hand bag, meant to protect the traveler and make sure he got home safe and back. Always back.

Johnny toyed with it as the ocean roared below him. Feet upon feet below. He was fond of the window seat, even though he had enough entertainment for the long hours of flight, there was nothing quite like the clouds or the land and the round globe.

His link flight was to take off two hours after he arrived to Los Angeles, absurdly sunny and warm for the last few days of the year.

“Did you get home safe?”  It was really late in Korea. After so many years, he had memorized the time difference by heart.

“I did, thanks to that lovely heart shaped thingy you gave me, I’m sure,” He sang, and the cab driver pretended to not be eavesdropping.

“Don’t you dare mock the power of my keychains, Johnathan,” warned the other from the other side of the globe. He sighed.

“Missing me already?”

“You know I do, you idiot,” Kun admitted. There was more ruffling on the other line.

“Are you in bed?” The cab driver cleared his throat and Johnny decided to ignore it.

“Yeah, your plushie is adorable. Ideal for hugging.” The last sentence was muffled, maybe by the same elephant.

“I used to have more. I’ll see them all today.” It would have been useless to deny his excitement. He was going home. However, each passing year it started to feel less and less like it. Maybe it was the piano not being there. Maybe it was the button nosed boy waiting for him back in Korea not being there.

“Cool of your aunt to keep the family house,” commented Kun in that voice that resulted of the battle against sleep.

“She really is. Even though it’s a bit of a hustle for all of us to meet again, it’s worth it. We gotta catch up with a years’ worth of gossip.” She really was. An artist back in the 80s, messy hair and paint brushes behind her ear. Johnny adored her. “Hey, go to sleep baby. I’ll talk to you later okay? I love you.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Let out the other. “I can’t believe you said that first and through the phone.”

“Did you want to be the first one to say it?” Johnny knew better than to panic for something like this. Perhaps he should, Kun wasn’t like his ex-boyfriends. “Sorry. It doesn’t have to mean any—“

“No, fuck that. You said it and you can’t take it back,” Kun complained. “But next time you say it, I better be right there with you to kiss your face off of your head.”

“Will you ever stop threatening me in such lovely manner?” the taxi pulled up to the known driveway. The taximeter stopping. “Okay I’m there. Gonna hang up now, alright baby?”

Kun hummed as a reply. “I love you too, Johnny. So much,” He said and hung up. The low pitched beeps against his ear making him feel bittersweet. Kun had a point, he wanted to kiss the other so badly right then.

 

-

 

All the blood in his system was in his tummy, trying to process all the food he’d eaten and his brain numb from all the information received in such short amount of time. His old bed whining as he moved, trying to fit between the plushies. At some point he would give it to his mom, and admit he had a compulsive problem with collecting stuffed everything. But that day was far from there, in his bed, phone in hand and his face almost orange due to the light of his old lamp.

“Hi beautiful,” Johnny said waving at the image of the other, apparently on a break at his workplace.

“Good morning to you too, love.” Of course Kun was a romantic. There was only so long Kun could hold his façade. And he loved Johnny that much he also knew. “How was your evening?”

“The poster child of an American family gathering.” He clutched a worn out Winnie the Pooh teddy bear closer to his chest, feeling its faded red shirt flimsy against his hold.

“Missing me already?” he wiggled his eyebrows before taking a sip of his drink.

“So much.” Johnny was exhausted, filled to the brim with food and nostalgia, the old Pokémon poster winking at him from across the room. “They asked about you. My relatives, that is. They begged me to bring you here next year.”

“Can we bring Yukhei as well? So he can film his first actual rom-com where the family hates their new in-law,” Kun joked. God, he looked amazing with that deeper shade of brown and side part. He would look good with a bag in his head, Johnny thought, and loved how his biased view made his heart grow in size.

“They will love you. And if they don’t, then I guess I will excommunicate myself from them.” Now his eyelids felt heavy, protesting on their way down.

“Excuse me, sir, but the role of the one with bad familial relationship has already been taken in this relationship.” It hurt Kun, as it appeared in the way his eyes changed their glimmer. Now a slight shadow casted over his features.

“Wanna talk, baby?”

“Not when you are about to pass out.” He let out a small scoff, oh how much Johnny would do to keep Kun’s smile on his lips. “When are you coming back?”

Johnny yawned, not even covering his mouth with his hand. They mightn’t have kissed properly yet, but after almost three months Johnny deemed acceptable that his boyfriend could see the cavities he got filled in when he was younger. “Tomorrow. The day after tomorrow for you.”

“Right!” Kun was leaning against a wall, and he looked so cute with those big eyes staring at the screen so fondly. Johnny wanted his lips all over him. “You didn’t have to reschedule your flight.”

“And miss your birthday? Over my dead body! I have a lot planned.”

“I can’t wait.” Kun looked over his shoulder when his name got called. Doyoung’s face snooping out of the fire exit door. “Gotta go, love. Sleep tight and dream of me.”

“I will.” Johnny sighed content. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Johnnyboy.”

 

-

 

They say ice burns. Temperature so cold that makes your body think its on fire for a second. And then the temperature shock hits you. A biological flaw or a conscious preparation, if you tell yourself you are on fire just for that split second, mayhaps the iciness won’t hit you as hard. Humans were foolish like that.

No matter how much Johnny braced himself for it, the fire turned to ice cold. Ice so cold it burned.

Shuddering down his spine where Kun’s hands had dived under his shirt, a hug that wasn’t that adequate for the public eye, but Johnny wouldn’t be the one to part first. He never was. Instead he nuzzled the top of Kun’s head and left a few pecks on its crown.

“Okay, you big sap.” Kun tugged at his shirt from the inside. “We are not making a scene after only being away for three days.”

“Is that a challenge? Because I asked you to marry me for free dessert, I can do it again here for a few claps.” The goal was the mole under Kun’s eye, and if Johnny hadn’t trained for a long time, he would have missed. But his lips never missed.

“You are jet-lagged as fuck and I am cuddle deprived. This can’t be solved here.” There was another step more of space between them, and this time Johnny didn’t come closer. Instead he caught Kun’s hand that had been tracing his back. In public. In an airport. Johnny truly loved the man before him, no questions asked.

“Not even Dumbo helped?” They were walking as the rays’ augmented heat due to the big windows, warmed them up. Hand in hand, Kun’s head resting on his shoulder every now and then because, he could.

“I was never a teddy bear guy.” Which was ironic given that he loved to hold Johnny against his chest. “I guess I did change a lot because of you,” he finished as if he could read Johnny’s mind.

The taller took a look at the other. Their hands still connected but he was further away, to take the sight in better, to see the full picture. From the few strands of hair spiking upwards, the guy having to wake up too early in the morning because he insisted on picking Johnny up; to the old trainers he used to go to the grocery store. And Kun was looking back, with those eyes, same look contained in them, tattooed only for Johnny to see. Dimple waving at him, lips so beautiful they would have made any man go insane in a past life.

They were making Johnny go mad in this one.

Tilting his head, Kun asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Johnny let out with an exhale, resuming their journey to Kun’s car. “Can’t believe you are mine, that’s all.”

 

-

 

Sicheng’s place had always been his favourite work. His obra prime, if you will. There had been so much potential in that appartement, even though a little cramped given its localization, Kun knew he could make it look better regardless of how short Sicheng’s budget was.

Family responsibility and pressure aside, it had been a pleasure for Kun to help his cousin, the only one who didn’t turn his back on the elder when he defied their grandma’s last wish. It had been unfair, and the dying women knew. She had always dictated everyone’s life, after giving birth to four boys, she earned some sort of pedestal in a family filled with women.

She had written a list and Kun’s turn was devastating. A lawyer. Kun had already been accepted to the Korean university he had always wanted to go when the bomb dropped.

Everyone had expected Kun to comply, and when he didn’t, he became a stranger to the family.

Except for Sicheng, who did study to become a doctor, and was still going through medical school. The boy was like a little brother to Kun, and the feeling was mutual, seeking the elder when he first stepped into the new country.

Sicheng’s favourite colors were black and white, and he could work with that, so he did. White gave the feeling of space and light, and black gave personality. Endless trips to IKEA amounted to an aesthetically pleasing and high practical not-anymore-bachelor apartment.

“Hey, you two!” greeted Jaehyun. “I thought you wouldn’t make it for tonight.” That was targeted to Johnny who just smiled as he stepped in.

“You know me, can’t say no to a party.”

“We brought party bags.” announced Kun to the group lurking around the apartment. He received some cheers and a low woop from the kitchen where Sicheng was putting together the pizzas.

Jaehyun took the bags and disappeared in the direction of the kitchen. It was fair to say that the younger couple had moved faster than Kun and Johnny, and it wasn’t a competition, not really. But it still made something curl and churn in his guts.

On the one hand Kun was ecstatic that Johnny was willing to wait for him. Patient as a saint. But on the other hand, he felt guilty. Kun was well aware just how much of a romantic Johnny was, and it only made Kun question if Johnny was regretting going out with him.

Okay.

Enough.

No more shower scenes, he promised.

After a search for Johnny’s presence in the room, currently discussing what countdown to watch with Doyoung, Kun let himself slump against the couch, Taeil eyeing him up and down with a questioning look. They weren’t particularly close, but the elders nature just pulled him in. One night alone in the woods and he’d spill his entire story to the red haired without hesitation.

“Everything okay there?”

“It’s been a long week,” Kun said. It wasn’t really a lie, he was just choosing not to say the full truth.

“I bet it has.” That was the thing he learned about Taeil, his empathy was never feigned. “How do you feel about turning one year older in a few hours?”

“It’s complicated.” Yuta had appeared then, giving up his cup to Kun since he had appeared during his absence.

“Yeah, it’s cute when you are little, but once you start nearing your thirties you kind of want to hold onto your youth with a death grip.” Taeil stated, patting his thigh for Yuta to sit on.

“I don’t mind growing old,” he found himself saying.

Which would have made the Kun from a year ago punch himself. It wasn’t really panic, not really keeping him awake at night. Rather, when he started to wander off, his mind questioning what kind of being he really was, it hit. Growing up. Growing old. It made his heart race, made him do impulsive shit like sleeping in a bed with someone he barely knew and treated him like trash. All to feel young.

His eyes found Johnny’s now, finally deciding to go for the channel with the cutest MC, and his lips moved on his own accord once more. “Growing old sounds good actually. It’s just that the night is long, and I have something prepared.”

Yuta let out a sound as he leaned away, arms around Taeil as his purchase. He was one fast and smart boy, that Yuta. His voice told Kun he already caught onto Kun’s plan when he said. “Can’t wait to see this _plan_ of yours.”

 

-

 

Kun was standing near the window, champagne already in hand. He had sneaked one sip in after being scolded by Yukhei. He just needed some alcohol in his system, some buzz to give him the push. They were all gathered around the TV, everyone’s face lit up with excitement.

It was a shared emotion, even if it was scary, the future that was; everyone looked forward to it when it was so close. Kun found himself smiling as well, ready to take in the new year, the new adventures, the new feelings.

He held onto Johnny’s hand.

He was ready, because he knew he wouldn't be alone.

“Five!”

“Four!”

“Three!”

Johnny tugged him closer.

“Two!” his heart wasn’t beating, it was hammering, loud and dull against his ribcage and it made him bubbly, like the champagne in his glass. Made him feel golden when it did that just for Johnny.

“One!” brown eyes met deep black ones.

“Happy new year!”

Of course there were fireworks, all the colors of the rainbow exploding into sparkles of light in the dead of the night. Midnight looking beautiful for once, with shapes and forms that only existed when one looked up.

At least those were the ones going off inside him. When his arm wrapped around Johnny’s middle, the tall glass discarded on the table, it was a nuisance now. He didn’t need more push, when Johnny was pulling him in, leaning down. Big hand resting on Kun’s jaw, the other on the back of his neck, a poor job of cupping his face. But Kun would take it.

Just like he took in a deep breath and fluttered his eyes shut.

They met in the middle like they had been programmed with the same hardware. Like they had planned it, which they hadn’t. At least not with each other. It hadn’t been discussed because they both loved surprises.

Kun had to repress a smile blooming on his lips, because that would mean not kissing Johnny back. And that was just not even an option.

They were just as pillowy, just as tender, just as sweet. They looked pink and tasted pink, they felt also pink against Kun’s lips, parting shyly at first, pressing so softly it seemed like they belonged there to begin with.

Kun tilted his head and heard Johnny hum, over the yells, over the fireworks. Their kiss deepened and now it was time for exploring, to be daring. And that Kun took pride on being. His tongue darted out to tickle Johnny’s lower lip, earning a small suck and, oh God had it been worth the wait. Kun’s knees felt weak in the best way possible, he saw stars behind his eyelids and he would name them if he hadn’t been busy with the way Johnny’s mouth opened for him, letting him map around it and play with his tongue.

Only when he felt like his lungs were screaming, he dared to part. Johnny didn’t open his eyes, but he already knew who to bend, how to position himself to rest his forehead against Kun’s.

“Happy birthday, Kun.”

“Happy new year, love.”

 

-

 

“I really can’t believe you.” Kun said smile resting on the brink of his glass of wine. A poor attempt on covering it, even though he did feel shy.

It wasn’t really that common for him to receive fluttery, it was even less common to feel swayed. However, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d swoon over Johnny.

The older stood up from the stool, the lamp shading over his features as he did so, looming over Kun but not crowding over him. When he moved closer, smirk on his lip, Kun all but rose his glass again, taking a long sip. Johnny’s hand wrapped around his, still able to hold the crystal and push it away. Kun had already grown used to Johnny’s kisses, well, after all they had spent the entire night kissing until Renjun, who had tagged along for the party, had thrown a pillow at them.

“I didn’t think I’d remember it, honestly.” the taller confessed, guiding Kun to the couch.

“Didn’t you play it the first time you were here?” He wasn’t drunk, a glass of champagne and some shots wouldn’t make him slur. The wine was just to keep the buzz going, since it had worked throughout the night. However, he didn’t refuse the water Johnny handed him.

“Yeah, but silently. And you interrupted me,” he pointed out, booping Kun’s nose as they found their position on the couch, facing each other, Johnny hugging his knees and Kun playing footsies.

“I would ask what song it is, but given you changed it to the happy birthday song mid-way, I guess it’s your own song now.”

“My offspring.” Johnny said proudly.

Their voices were merely murmurs, and Kun was fine with that, since it always came down to this: looking at Johnny while the night became hollow, and suddenly it became dawn.

Brightness peeking through the curtains and the day begun, they had remained silent for far too long, but none of them dared to fall asleep.

“Don’t you think it’s very sad that the universe doesn’t have noise?” Johnny sounded hoarse due to the silence.

“What do you mean?” Kun was no better.

“Like it is already infinite, it doesn’t have an end, right? So the fact there isn’t any like whooshing wind or buzzing bee, makes it that much more lonely.”

“I mean the Tesla dude sent a car up there, didn’t he? It’s playing David Bowie’s Heroes on loop.” Kun’s toes were ice cubes, but so were Johnny’s when they started playing. Johnny was wearing Yuta’s signature christmas gift: everyone got a fruity pair of socks and Johnny got the apple socks.

“I should have expected such an awful guy to do some fake deep shit like that.” After what felt like hours, Johnny closed his eyes. Kun could see the exhaustion behind his gesture.

“Why are we discussing the sound, or lack thereof, of the universe?” The scoff wasn’t meant to sound mean, Johnny had to know it wasn’t acid.

“It’s five in the morning.” Needless to say, he knew. “Felt fitting.”

“Well, the solar system should have a sound. I mean, it is still expanding after the Big Bang, theoretically.” It was easy to indulge when Johnny just looked so peaceful, so happy.

“Yeah, I think that’s the main argument used by those who don’t believe in the Big Bang Theory.” a small yawn. Again without covering his mouth. “What about you? Do you believe in The Big Supernova That Started It All?”

“Me? I think it’s cool. That we are, at the end of it, star dust. Holding miniscule particles of the universe within us.” Because sometimes, Kun could feel it. Could feel the small molecules from space within him, and it was that feeling he hold onto to bring himself back up when Johnny or Yukhei weren’t around with a helping hand.“I think you hold a whole bucket of stardust. It is the only plausible explanation for you being so otherworldly beautiful.”

“How can you say such corny shit?”Johnny grunted.

Kun smiled, pinching Johnny’s calf and promptly making his eyes shot open. And as if momentarily confused, they returned to that look. Kun’s favourite labyrinth to get lost into.

“If you don’t like it, maybe you should shut me up.”

“You’d let me?” he was already crawling closer to Kun, dark circles and bright beaming grin.

“Yeah.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> and thats it! thank you so much for reading! i hope you all enjoyed the little references and the johnyoung moment hidden in there. i'm going to keep writing since i suddenly have so many ideas in my head. as always feel free to follow me on twitter @moonsdior or send me something on my cc https://curiouscat.me/youngghos


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